Ten.Six Hundred & Sixty-Five
Up before the alarm again. I don’t think it was the sprinklers that woke me up. But I’m up. And I want to go back to sleep.
He gets donuts. I wash clothes. We really need to replace the coffee grinder.
We finally catch each other on the phone. The conversation is not long enough and not deep enough but it’s better than nothing.
The minutes are passing so slowly.
I watch my shadow as I walk across the gravel. There is a hazy quality to the sky, as if all of us have kicked up too much dust. But in the distance, green and brown hills, power lines, rows and rows of vines.
I’m losing bits of my mind.
It’s that I told her no. And that I told her that they’ve had what they were supposed to have. And that she told me I can pretend that I didn’t know. And I dislike that someone would ask me to ignore my own integrity for their own personal gain.
And so is this feeling also because I’m a 1 (and a 2 and a 4) and at an unhealthy level I am inflexible and self-righteous? But then I realize that this is also just a part of our culture.
I miss writing.