Ten.Four Hundred & Two

1. I gotta get back to a routine. My body is asking for order. 

2. I think I'll take them to get shoes today. I get so overwhelmed by the anxiety that it's easy for me to just shut down. I think getting out of the house today and checking things off the list will give me a sense of structure. 

3. I smell like Fever Dreams.

4. Invoices and laundry. Coffee. The humidity is too thick for outdoor reading to be pleasurable.  

5. I feel better after the release.  

6. I can wear his shoes. Maybe next year I’ll spring for the Jordan’s and we can share.  

7. Risotto and sautéed spinach and salmon with buerre rouge. Another gift to myself. Red wine splashed onto my white shirt.  

8. The afternoon rains brought a cool breeze and lower humidity. “This house. 3-car garage. It looks beautiful.” “We didn’t want to look at the Home Depot though.” “But you actually can’t really see it because of all the trees.” They live on the other side and back up to a busy road. Neighbors. It stings but it’s honest feedback. They can’t see me tucked here in the corner with my glass of wine. 

9. But today I barely thought about the house and that feels like a win.  

10.  Shower at 7:30. A glass of wine in bed and a few episodes of Queer Eye before falling asleep.