Ten.Four Hundred & Twenty-Six
1. I didn't sleep well at all. Up every few hours. Dreams and a kid who kept coming into the room. Worries about not being able to fall back asleep again and get enough rest.
2. Moths on window screens that look like shadowy hearts.
3. I leave the phone at home. Untethered. Listening to nothing but myself and my own thoughts.
4. But I wish I did have my phone so I could identify some of these plants. I think about how in the past I would have just sketched a picture of it in a journal and then cross-referenced it at home with some sort of book on botanicals. I could still do that.
5. I am only slightly sweaty from the ride but the air inside is crisp and cool. More water and a mug of chamomile.
6. Monarch floating by in front of the alcove.
7. Laundry and "A Haunting." I can't wait for the Halloween movies to be on. It's one of my favorite times of the year. Sometimes I like to scare myself.
8. I leave early enough to buy me some reading time in the car line. Windows down. Sun in my lap.
9. He asks me what I've been thinking about all day and I know that it's none of what he wanted me to be thinking about. He wants me to say that I've been thinking about what kind of job I'm going to apply for, or that I'm applying for jobs. What I've really been thinking about is: Whether or not I'm going to continue to be on social media; What are my reasons for being in the digital space?; What do I gain from these virtual connections and what am I giving through them?; Why has it been so hard for me to just settle into one thing and just work on doing and being that?
10. I don't know what to do.