Ten.Four Hundred & One

1. Dark. It's the combination of Autumn's impending return and cloud cover from impending storms. But today is supposed to be a pool day. We will see. 

2. It is not yet 6 am and I am already working to detach myself from the outcome. 

3. The printer won't stop jamming and it feels like a metaphor for life right now. What's the hold up? What keeps getting stuck? Why isn't it all rolling out the way I thought it would?

4. The sound and scent of summer rain.

5. There is a new bird sound. It sounds more like a long squeal.  

6. Our house is over their budget. They don’t like that they can see the Home Depot. These are things I cannot control.  

7. I think back to last night when we pulled up to the house, aglow with lights. Inside smelled like Windex and apple pie. I sighed. “It’s a beautiful home.” And I realized that there’s nothing more I can do. 

8. “Any nibbles yet?” Three words I did not want to hear today but he says them with genuine concern.  

9. Pride & Prejudice on the porch while the pot pie cools down.  

10.  Early shower and early to bed. Grateful for everyone's support. Feeling how hard it is to ask for support. I remember how when we moved last year I went dark for a month while we transitioned because speaking/writing my fears and anxieties out loud seemed like I was being too much. Who wants to listen to me whine? I can barely stand myself. I need to soften.