Ten.Four Hundred & Eighteen

1. I step outside onto the back stoop to see if I can capture the beginning of dawn. Snap. Snap. And then I hear a screetch. It sounds so close and so scary and so unidentifiable to my ears that I hop back through the crack in the sliding glass door. 

2. I think of that night around the fire in Tucson with laughter and chocolate and marshmallows. And then that low growl that came from the darkness. And how we wanted to run but not run too fast. 

3. I drink my water with apple cider vinegar and a little bit of raw honey because I've got something going on and I have to figure out what it is. Stress plus allergies plus not enough restful sleep? I just feel like I'm in need of a deep cleansing, in more ways than one.

4. We take a quick bike ride. The sun is shining and the air is crisp; you can tell that it's almost fall. We spot the cranes and the heron. I see milkweeds that have fallen over and they've cut back some of the tall vegetation that was there just last week. I'm sad for the plant life lost but now, in some places, you have a clear view right down to the water and it's pleasing to see. 

5. It used to be that when I cleaned I was full of gratitude. I thought of it as infusing every corner of the home with love and appreciation. Now, every wipe is a new worry or question; "why" and "maybe" and "how come." 

6. The good news is that we haven't done any worse. But we could still do better. 

7. Yes. We will do another one. We always know when it's time. That's what I love about liberated lines, it's one of those things that was started out of our personal need. We created what we needed for ourselves and now it's something that has touched others. That is a gift. 

8. Polizziano Rosso di Montepulciano (I love saying Italian out loud) and Tiefenbrunner Pinot Grigio. 

9. My first ever sauce from home grown tomatoes. I think of how in a year or two I can make the entire sauce from scratch—I'll grow my onions and the garlic too. But this sauce is a little tangy, a little sweet, a perfect marriage with the shavings of aged Parmesan. Good food is healing. 

10. Brain games.