Ten.Three Hundred & Sixty-Eight

1. I stretch into child's pose and breathe for a few minutes. 

2. I realize that I should have gotten a cart once I remember that I need to make baked beans for more than just the 5 of us. I need to triple the recipe. 12 cans plus a jar of molasses and 1.5lbs of bacon.

3. Even the air inside the house feels thick. But I think I need a  bike ride anyway. I did this my senior year of high school when I couldn't figure out how to pay for Wake Forest and the Army and the Navy kept calling me and I didn't want to go to stay in Missouri any longer. Every day after school I would get on my roller blades and circle the neighborhood 3 or 4 or 5 or 10 times. Until I just couldn't do it anymore and the mind had rested itself. 

4. Baked beans from scratch. Bacon and onions and beans, molasses and dry mustard and some salt and pepper. A little bit of brown sugar. I can't help it. 

5. I try to rest but what I do instead is scroll through Pinterest to pass the time away. 

6. I wake up from the nap, reluctant to go and there's a pit in my stomach. It could be the cherries. It could be the dairy I ate last night. But most likely it's just all the nerves.

7. Did you tell [her]?

8. So hot that I don't want to move, not even for a glass of rosé. I can feel my feet swelling.

9. We make it home in time for nature's fireworks. I get in the shower and remember how my grandmother would never let us shower or take a bath if there was a thunderstorm. We couldn't use the telephone either. 

10. He asks me if it feels more real now. I can't decide.