Ten.Three Hundred & Forty-Four

1. Slept in long enough for me to consider grabbing donuts but the pressure is on for scones. 

2. I have her gather all the ingredients and squeeze the lemon juice to make the glaze. 

3. I love the cloud-cover and the low rumble of thunder and the sound of the rain. Storms feel like a deep inhale.

4. He flips through the books and looks at the maps of Fixin, Gevrey-Chambertin, Saint-Aubin. I remember how badly I still desire to learn French and that this is the last year I can try to retake my certified sommelier exam without starting over with the introductory. 

5. I get it, I really do.

6. I want to take a nap but I know if I do I won't want to get up for the block party so I grab the book and head outside to the alcove to read. I'm too cool in the corner of shade and so I sit on the step and drape my dress over my legs and sit in the little bit of sun that's peeking through. 

7. I ask him how he wants to die. Then we realize that there are more adult things we need to do like make a will or a plan for the children. The things you have to talk about once you get to a certain age. 

8. I tell him that we don't do the things that require lawn chairs but that maybe it's time to get some for next year's block party. 

9. Pulled pork, kebabs, macaroni and cheese, homemade empanadas, wine and water. Some conversation. 

10. All of these people and yet this feeling of being alone. Maybe it's an introvert thing. I am not one to walk up to a group of people to introduce myself. Most people can't, really. Engagement is a two-way street. So I know that I shouldn't take it personally. But I am. I tell him that I sometimes worry that because so many of the people here only know me through my Instagram that it might affect how they interact with me. That maybe I wish they couldn't see everything I post and say before getting to know me in real time, face-to-face. It shouldn't really matter. I am who I am and eventually they would see and learn what I'm all about anyway. I think I just wish that I didn't care.