Ten.Three Hundred & Fifty

1. Snooze. 

2. Dreams of being places that I do and don't want to be. People seem to be confused. 

3. Nowhere to be but here. 

4. Donut run. One very old pick-up on over-sized wheels with two large American flags attached to the bed. In the parking lot of the donut shop, A bumper sticker with a heart, a cross, and a gun. An American flag bandana hanging from the rear-view mirror. I think maybe I don't belong here after all. 

5. I dip the old-fashioned into my coffee before heading down to the basement to work. 

6. It looks like rain but I don't think it will fall. 

7. I didn't realize I was supposed to pick him up. I round up the two of them and get in the car to drive to Naperville. The ride there feels longs. My mind is just preoccupied with so many other things. 

8. I follow the thoughts all the way through and realize that it's not anger but shame. The shame of being a black person who cannot swim and thus a black woman who's kids cannot swim. 

9. Turkey burgers again for dinner. I think I was able to convert him with these. 

10. I forgive myself for feeling shame.