Ten.Two Hundred & Sixty

1. A thin sheet of ice over everything. Unexpected shimmer.

2. I pull enough flour together to make scones. Sift the dry ingredients. Mix in the cold, shredded butter. Pour in the heavy cream. Mix. With flour hands I shape it into a circle about 1/2-inch thick. I always tell myself thatthis takes too long. But now I know the recipe almost by heart and it takes no time at all. 

3. Hot coffee. Sipped slowly. Daydreams of color stories: pinks and blues and golds and grays. 

4. Where do I add life?

5. The dad-coach is extra friendly today. Over the top with smiles and laughs. Maybe he thinks they will beat us. Maybe he remembers just how poorly he behaved last time and is embarrassed.

6. We win. "Is it bad that I feel vindicated by beating him again?" "No. I'm happy too. I'm also petty like that."

7. Home for a few hours to eat BLTs and drink sparkling water in the sun. A short time cuddling in the bed with the boys and watching basketball. I think of how I don't know what to do next. About how strange it is to feel so certain that you've settled on a decision only to feel like it wasn't the right one. 

8. But sometimes the good thing about decisions made in secret is that no one knows if you've changed your mind. This gives you freedom to correct your own course as needed without unwanted opinion. 

9. They win their last game. It might have been the best game they've ever played. He ends the game with a 3-pointer. More than anything, I love watching him practice and play because you can tell he's passionate about it. 

10. Suddenly it is night and I am sleepy and I decide to not finish the last 30 minutes of the movie in favor of a long shower and getting the fresh sheets on the bed.