Ten.Two Hundred & Fifty

1. The light is creeping in much earlier now. I like this. This feels like a promise. 

2. She'll leave today. Hopefully. Maybe not. We'll see what the east coast storm does. But for now, I'll soak in time with her as best as I can. 

3. He's coughing. And he has a very slight fever. He will not be going to school today. What this means is that I'll be moving just a little bit more slowly today. I'll plan for more interruptions. 

4. We talk about the differences in thinking between men and women. How one always thinks they know slightly more or slightly better than the other. How sometimes the best thing to do is to just keep quiet. I mean, you say your piece, and then let yourself move on. 

5. She rolls her bag down the driveway to the uber. As soon as it pulls away I feel that deep sting of loss. I will see her again. Soon. This summer hopefully. She and I are so different and yet I'm finding the ways in which we are also so similar. I love that my children love her as much I do.

6. Daydreams of lemon trees, pea gravel patios, trellises, and lettuce fill my head. I know there is other work to be doing, but this is what I want to think about right now. 

7. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if we just stayed. 

8. Roasted beets, beet greens, farro, a light viniagrette, goat cheese. 

9. I feel like molasses. I know that I am tired. I know that some of this is genuine fatigue. I know that some of this is also related to food. I know that some of this stress. I know that some of this might also be depression.

10. Today is done but tomorrow...tomorrow feels like choosing joy. Like celebrating really tiny moments. Letting myself conquer one corner at a time.