Ten.Two Hundred & Thirty

1. It must be nerves. 4:30am. 

2. This week my past has come to haunt me in my dreams. Maybe it’s just because I’ve been so anxious about the future.  

3. The fog is back.  

4. 5am run to the grocery store for all the travel-sized things I didn’t get yesterday. And for cereal and yogurt for them. 

5. Still missing them even though they are breathing in the space above me. I understand what my mother meant when she told me that she didn’t recommend having children. Motherhood is the most beautiful and yet most heartbreaking work. 

6. I make all of them give me a kiss before they get out of the car. 

7. I keep walking from room to room with nothing in my hands.  

8. I tell him that one day I hope to not want to throw up every time I’m on my way to the airport.  

9. But I know this airport and I know how to get to the rental car thingy.  

10. I am here.