Ten.Two Hundred & Thirteen
1. I can't see the glow and so that means today will be cloudy.
2. There is something about the color of the earth outside. Black-brown. Wet. Unforgiving.
3. I don't know why dentists try to talk to you while your mouth is pried open. What's appropriate here?
4. I am more relaxed today. I am choosing to focus on life right now. Trying to keep my mind present.
5. Sushi for lunch. Cape Mantelle Sauvignon Blanc/Semillon.
6. I think it might be the first time in a long time someone said to me, "Are you scared?" Which is really a great question. Because there is a certain kind of relief and ease that comes from being able to breathe out "Yes," unlike when someone asks you, "What are you afraid of?" The question, "Are you scared?" doesn't put you on the spot, searching for something legitimate to say. It puts you in your truth.
7. Dinner is leftovers. We have basketball practice tonight. On the drive I think of the dad-coaches from Saturday. The anger has moved. It is no longer in my throat but now resting right above the diaphragm. Once I see my kids though, spend the hour with them shuffling feet and practicing bounce passes and cheering them on when they remember to dribble down the court, the anger fades away.
8. I am not hungry. It is a nervous thing.
9. 86 days until Fever Dreams.
10. 18 days until On Being.