Ten.Two Hundred & Nine

1. It's just a little after 5. Even though it's still dark I can tell that the air looks thin. I hope this means sun.

2. I suppose I could just check my phone and look at the weather. 

3. I run to the store and grab coffee and cereal. I need the space created from a self-served breakfast. 

4. I find the rectangle of light in the foyer and sit in it. Let the sun hit my face. Remember that I'm going to California next month. 

5. This is still hard. Even though I know what to do and have done it before, this is still really hard. 

6. Leftover chicken tortilla soup for lunch. I eat it in bed, alone, in the quiet, as I stare out the window.

7. I think back to my mother's words, "He's usually right about a lot of things." And so I go back to it. Everything right now is about my mindset. What am I choosing to focus on? How can I make this very hard thing a little easier on myself. 

8. Since last fall I've been challenging myself to find and keep close the ways in which I can elevate my spirits. I loosely call is self-care. But maybe it needs a different name. Maybe wholeness is more accurate. I'm trying to figure out how to stay whole.

9. The way the sunlight catches the feathers in the windowsill. 

10. Bare.