1. How I wonder why I'm awake so early, at the first light, before the alarm. Before I'm fully rested.

2. I watch the videos I took on my phone of last night's fireworks, remembering the time we stopped in Arcola, Illinois and stood in the Dairy Queen parking lot, bones vibrating and ears ringing from the booms.

3. The sparrow is back again. Flying in frightened circles again. This must be a sign. 

4. The sway of the tall grass on the berm.

5. My inability to make a conclusion is frustrating.

6. Circles. 

7. The struggle to articulate the fullness of the situation.

8. We say the same things over and over. 

9. Why are we here again, doing this again, saying this again, wishing for this again?

10. I watch myself stand outside the loop.