Ten.Four Hundred & Thirty-Six

1. 4:30 wake-up so that I can see him off. 

2. As I head downstairs I hear the girl's voice. I just hope she goes back to sleep after he leaves. I'm glad he's down with the idea of moving west at some point if we figure out a way to make it financially feasible. I'll continue to hold the vision. 

3. I know that he thinks I'm silly for thinking that we'll ever have enough to create the "compound" I've been dreaming of. But, lately, my dreams have been coming true and so I can only continue to believe that there's a place out there waiting for me where I'll be able to live and work on my own land. 

4. But why do they make me yell in the mornings?

5. Morning pages on the front porch with a big mug of chamomile. Monarchs keep floating by. It’s quiet.

6. My mind and body are tired. I don’t usually feel this kind of fatigue when I come back. Maybe it’s because I’ve been up since 4 in the morning.

7. How I fall into 4 numbers on the Enneagram is beyond me. But it makes sense that I’m always confused.

8. Pizza.

9. He walks in and tells me he thought I was Lauren Underwood at first. What pops into my mind is House of Cards. Underwood. Underwood. Oh. She’s a black woman running for Congress. I giggle to myself. He doesn’t mean to be rude, but it’s sometimes insulting when white people tell you that you look like another black person (whom they actually don’t even know), no matter how accomplished that other black person might be.

10. Early to bed.