Ten.Four Hundred & Thirty-One

1. The colors of the sky this morning. There's enough break in the clouds to get all the color. I'm looking forward to the changing of the skies. 

2. Today. Must get through today. 

3. The kitchen is a disaster. I've made her miso soup. I'm eating the leftover pho for breakfast. The older two decide to take the miso soup to school for lunch. I'm trying to explain what tofu is. 

4. 6:15-7:15. 

5. I break for lunch and short rest. Just need to get through today. Time is slipping through the cracks of my fingers. I had hoped to be done by now. 

6. I'm working in the office and watch a white car drive slowly in front of the house. I try to sink down into the chair. Hopefully the tall bushes have hidden me. My hair is wild, the desk is a mess. One of the things I like about him being gone is that I get to have a proper office. It's airy and bright and the same level as the food and water. 

7. I tell them that I need their help when we get home because this is the first time I have to do the whole thing by myself. I'm going to need every bit of the two hours to get everything ready. They vote Olive Garden for dinner.

8. There's a car in the driveway that I don't recognize. One of the things about living in a small neighborhood is that you get to know the cars that make their way up and down the street. "What time is it?!" "5:38!" I begin to tear up a little at the unfairness of it. Surely they can see me through the blinds vacuuming as fast as I can. 

9. They're still there. Then they aren't.

10. I open the garage door and two cars and two men are sitting at the curb across the street. I pull my visor down so that they can't see my sweaty face. 6:08. For some reason this feels a bit like an invasion. 

10.1 She's hunched over the table and both of her fingers are crossed and she says, "I have a really good feeling about this one." My eyes are full again. 

10.2 None of the kids at school have ever heard of tofu. Some thought it was lamb. "Lamb?!" "Because sheep are white!" The girl and I laugh until we cry. Soup and salad and bread sticks. A glass of surprisingly good Chianti. Hot decaf while they eat dessert. I am full and so tired but full. They thank me for bringing them here and for also getting dessert. I'm grateful for them and for the laughter. It's been too long since we really laughed together. 

10.3 One more day.