Ten.Three Hundred & Sixty-One

1. Almost a year of this. Really? It doesn't even feel like it's been this long.

2. I wonder what I will do with all of these words. Some of these are the beginnings or the endings of poems that have yet to be written. 

3. But we're out of cheddar cheese I think and so this might not go over very well. So it's just bagels and fruit like the day before.

4. This headache just won't go away.

5. All of the details for Fever Dreams 2019 are typed up and written out and now all that's left to do is to email all of the women in the upcoming weeks and cross fingers and toes that this is something everyone is needing again. I know I need it.

6. I'm thinking of her making her way to France. I am sad that I won't make it this year. Maybe next year or the year after that.

7. I lay down to try to sleep off the headache. It feels like a needle is being pressed into my left temple. I want to stay awake and read but I close my eyes and turn onto my side.

8. I wake up with a start. In the dream it was already 4:30 and time for me to make dinner. I go down and get more water and a few crackers and then lay back down. I am grateful that I can rest.

9. Then what am I really doing?

10. Maybe I can't do hard things.