Ten.Eighty-Eight

1. I wake up thinking I've woken before my alarm only to see that all of the children are awake and it is 6:18 and not 5:45 like I think it is. I should have known by the light.  

2. Warm lemon water.  

3. I can't stop thinking about her response to my message. How it saddens and baffles and angers me. Disappoints me more than anything. 

4. I post the post and my stomach churns. But there are times when you need to draw your lines in the sand. And there is no space right now for the ones unwilling to examine their beliefs. 

5. Tuesdays I make the drive. Today I begin the On Being episode with Albert Eisen and see myself in his description of "mystic," and know that I need to read Abraham Joshua Herschel's work.  

6. Before I step outside the door all of these words fall out of my mouth, without breath. They feel short and hot and I can hear myself talking and I want to stop but I can't.  

7. But sometimes you need to just let it go.  

8. I buy eucalyptus and gladiolus and a bottle of kombucha.  

9. This feeling. I order pizza and clean the house and vow to make this home my home and a safe home.  

10. I should be sleeping.