Ten.One Hundred & Ninety-Nine

1. There is snow but I can't tell how much. The depth of it doesn't really matter. I know I have to shovel.

2. It is higher than I expected it to be. I will be out here for awhile. 

3. It's hard not to curse at winter for being itself, or at my husband for not being up and awake to do this for me—even though I'm shoveling at 6 am and I am the only one who appears to be out and working this morning—, or at my children who are not yet old enough to do this themselves.

4. The thing is that the cold is so painful. In temperatures this low, regardless of the thickness of the gloves, my fingertips burn. The sensation brings tears to my eyes. It takes a good 45 minutes for my hands to feel normal again once I am inside. 

5. So I dream of warmer places and remind myself that I will be in California two different times next month and then again in April, and then New Orleans in June. 

6. My eyes hurt from staring at the screen but it must get done. Each image brings me back to the individual and their story and that is what I like about editing: you get to relive your experience with your subject. 

7. This is the year of investing in myself wherever I can.

8. I scroll through and look at all of the posts highlighting Martin Luther King. I can feel the sourness of pessimism rising up. How do we move past memes into real action and change? What does that look like? What do I want it to look like for myself. 

9. I ask him to just bring me some dessert. 

10. Tomorrow we gather.