Ten.One Hundred & Ninety-Five

1. 3 am. I turn over and try to sleep for a just a little bit longer but all I can think of is the day ahead and how tired I am. 

2. And it's still so dark. 

3. Bacon, croissants, fruit, and coffee. I set down my cup somewhere and then lose it. I remember that it's in the laundry room and go to retrieve it but now it's cold. I keep losing my cup.

4. The grayness continues and I try to conjure up memories of the sunny days spent with my toes in the grass. 

5. I pack up my lights and grab a kombucha and get in the car. Today, I'll meet her on the north side. The drive is slow. I listen to Andre Mack of Mouton Noir Wines and some big shot from E & J Gallo talk about how wine professionals should approach people who are new to wine. Like, basically, the goal is to have more people drink it. So let go of your idea of what is good. Remember that everyone has a starting point.

6. It might have been the best cornbread I've ever eaten in my life. I stuffed it all in before I even made it to the on-ramp.

7. I can barely keep my eyes open. As I sit, the sky gets darker and darker. It is only 3:15 but it looks like 4:45 and all the light is gone. I feel claustrophobic. Like I'm trapped in a box.

8. He says that I look like a woman who does not want to cook dinner today. He is right. I am not. He runs out to get a dinner that I won't eat because I am still full from the cornbread.

9. The way they laugh among themselves between bites. 

10. Bath with salts and oils and nature sounds from the meditation app. I feel a little dehydrated when I get out.