Ten.Eighty-Nine

1. I wake up again thinking that I've woken up on time but it's 6:14 and this is not on time. 

2. But maybe this is my body telling me that 5:30 is too early and 6:15 is okay and doable and good for me. 

3. I wear the "go against the grain" tee today. Because sometimes we need wearable reminders of who we are and what we need and if I'm gonna survive this life then I gotta stand in my own power. 

4. I was supposed to have a coffee date today but it got cancelled and so I stay home and sip slowly on a pot while I try to brainstorm a project for the day. I decide on sprucing up the alcove.

5. $2.50 pumpkins at Aldi. I'm trying not to fall into the giant cardboard box as I lean over to find the ones with the longest stems and roundest bodies, wedge booties hovering over the ground.

6. Love Yourself.

7. Love Yourself.

8. I search for the Paramore song I heard earlier in the day. I sometimes forget that music is a pathway back to myself. I play it over and over and over again and jump around the kitchen, breezes blowing through the open windows, heart racing.

9. Dinner is a little late but that's what happens when you dance a little too much and sing a little too loud. 

10. I dance and sing alone in the kitchen while they watch tv upstairs. I think back to that night at Squam when Camille kept beat on the drum and Giavanni taught us the West African dance and how at the end we freestyled and how in their body everyone was. And how I felt myself loosening up and letting myself really feel the way I could move. And here I am in my kitchen, full of gratitude for the way my hips can spin and my feet can move and my shoulders can roll and I am almost in tears apologizing to myself for all the ways I forget to honor it. 

10.1 Reminder to self: don't underestimate the power of an off-the-shoulder tee to make you feel sexy and aware.