Ten.One Hundred & Eighty-One

1. Cold. But not as cold as yesterday. 

2. Fire plus coffee plus morning pages. The sky is an ash gray. No color. 

3. So cold but I must get the blueberries and the sour cream and the parsley. Oh, and the video game. Because he's turning 10.

4. I've been a mother and a wife for 10 years. It is a decade. It is a significant stretch of time and yet it is also just a microscopic dot on an infinite timeline.

5. How do we determine what is significant.

6. Laundry never goes away. 

7. I walk in the snow to go get him. The snow feels like it's falling in thin sheets. Everything has a fresh coat of white on it and the streets are quiet. I'm glad I am walking because the way the cold air is coming into my lungs makes me feel alive again. 

8. Beef stroganoff. I am feeling uninspired in the kitchen lately. This is an old, but good, standby. And it sticks to the bones. 

9. I am not a winter person. I turn off the fireplace and stand there, my nose pressed against the mantle, to feel the heat continue to radiate upward onto my belly and face. 

10. Sometimes it feels easier to just roll over.