Ten.Three Hundred & Twenty-Four

1. Sundays are my favorite days. And this morning, with its slight chill, and the slowly waking sun feels like Spring.

2. Baked potatoes. I need to start the coffee. First, I drink water.

3. But yes, I think I am going to start them soon. First I need oils.

4. Chicken is dry-brining in the fridge. I lay down with them for a few minutes, my eyes closing. I promised her I'd take her to go get some clothes so I can't really fall asleep. But this right here, sandwiched between the two of them, for only a few moments feels good. 

5. She really did need the clothes. I wish I had more time to shop for myself. Just a tiny bit. But all five of us are here and it I just want to get back home. 

6. I text him a question and he calls me back and we talk for an hour. He tells me what to buy from Sally's.  

7. I've been wanting this Spark Session for a while. I've admired what Lauren does and have gained wisdom from the things she shares on her Instagram. The 75 minutes is fast but just long enough for her to get me to the meat of one of my needs. I need community. 

8. The action steps are challenging. By challenging I don't mean impossible, but they definitely will push me out of my comfort zone. What strikes me most is how much asking I will need to do. And I can feel how uncomfortable it's making me. The idea of all of this asking. Asking for leads on jobs, asking for time alone, asking for people to give me or lead me to other resources that will help me grow. 

9. He asks me what my exit plan is for this hairstyle. I suppose I can just shave it all off and start over. 

10. Someone's car alarm is going off in the distance. I know it's early but it feels late. My armpits are itching and burning; an allergic reaction to the deodorant I think. I need to find something else natural. I haven't been this uncomfortable in a long time. I clean my armpits with soap and water and change my shirt. Just enough relief to ease into sleep. 

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Ten.Three Hundred & Twenty-Three

1. The golf course is masked by a thin layer of fog and I hear the honking of geese. Lately I see them flying in pairs and not in large flocks.

2. Coffee. They toast mini-bagels for their breakfast. 

3. I check the garden to see if anything has stopped by to nibble yet. I know that I need to get some chicken wire up soon before everything becomes too tempting. I spot two teeny tomatoes and each of the bell peppers are preparing to flower. The peas are nice and tall too. 

4. Carnitas already in the crock pot for today's dinner. The bed is made. Bills are paid. The garden is watered. I feel quite accomplished at 8 am. 

5. I grab an orchid out of the windowsill to take to her. We're meeting at the arboretum for a belated Mother's Day lunch. She's on time. We eat and make small talk. A finch perched on the bush. 

6. Troll hunt. 

7. I spot the grasses that I want to plant in our own yard when it comes time to do more landscaping. 

8. But I can make this space work. I shouldn't take it for granted. I find the small speakers and put the Fever Dreams playlist on blast and dance my way through boxes. I drag over the shelf from the other side of the basement and fill it with books, cameras, a leftover cigar box, my old Remington typewriter, my wine books, the doula information packet. On the floor beside it tucked into a basket are the past year's journals in case I need to reference old ideas. On the desk are a variety of gifts from Jennette, my turquoise Underwood typewriter, a basket for pens and a stapler, checks from past freelance gigs as a reminder that I can and do earn money from my art. And there are twinkle lights. Of course. 

9. The boys are late for dinner. They say they lost track of time because of a Nerf war.

10. The episode where Jim tells Pam that he's in love with her. 

Ten.Three Hundred & Twenty-Two

1. She’s sitting there eating toast in her robe and glasses and at this moment she seems way older than 8. “I woke up at 5:40. I already made my lunch.” 

2. I light palo santo and take a deep breath. This is my new favorite ritual. In the old house I was always lighting incense.  

3. The prayer flags from India she sent me are glowing in the soft white light of morning. 

4. I write my meal plan and grocery list in the car while I wait for the health foods store to open. I probably could have just ordered tahini from Amazon.  

5. This is my last child-free Friday. 

6. Pinot Bianco from Slovenia. Beet salad and calamari. A semolina cake with coconut cream and coconut sorbet.  

7. I kind of hate this part where he introduces me to all of his co-workers. I mean, it’s great but I sometimes don’t like it. I’d sometimes rather be anonymous. What did Amanda say in the book? I like being seen but I don’t like being looked at. 

8. The book store name is rather pedestrian but I’m amazed by the selection. I find two books, a dollar each, and then a set of flash cards for the kids for $5. The younger two will dig them.  

9. I write her a letter in the pick-up line while the rain falls.  

10. Bath tea. The nettles turned the water the softest shade of green. 

alisha sommerComment
Ten.Three Hundred & Twenty-One

1. Finally a morning to myself. Bright early light.

2. I remembered to put on the mugwort but forgot to set the intention to remember my dreams. I fell asleep reading about plants. Kind of ironic.

3. They come down one by one, sleepy-eyed and quiet. 

4. Coffee and words. Her words. My eyes keep getting misty. And on the surface it doesn't seem like she's saying anything that profound and yet I'm moved. 

5. I skip the baseboards today. 

6. Leftover chicken noodle soup for lunch and lots of water. I walk back to the wicker loveseat in the garden. I should harvest some spinach soon. This feels like a secret and sacred place. 

7. But yes, it is true that I can do what I want. (But this sounds like I'm trying to convince myself.)

8. I kind of just want to write and write whatever I want and let that be my life. Because this is the art I like to make.

9. But why are all those boys sitting in my garden?

10. "Risk is the core cost of human connection." - The Art of Asking

Ten.Three Hundred & Twenty

1. He's already down here making his lunch. It's 5:42 in the morning.

2. I forgot the mugwort on the bottom of my feet but that didn't stop me from a long night of lucid dreaming. I was back at Wake Forest again trying to sort out an issue. So much about power and rage and voice.

3. Granola made with coconut oil, eaten with coconut yogurt. Just one cup of coffee. All the light. 

4. I find the glider in front of the coffee shop and sit in the sun while I wait. Close my eyes and rock back and forth. The lady at the table is talking about her daughter's kidney stones. 

5. "Go Do Good." I think about the kind of man who would get this tattooed on the backs of his calves. It's the same kind of man that drives a Volvo station wagon and listens to chill electronica.

6. As soon as I step inside the visitor's center I know I'm going to enjoy this. 

7. The trees. Everything is so green. And then as you come over the bridge and come around the bend and see it in person. It's hard to put into words but it takes my breath away. 

8. The texture of the travertine. The coolness of the steel. I could live in a glass box like this—if I lived alone. 

9. Strawberry-rhubarb popsicle on the porch before I get the kids from school. 

10. "Asking is an act of intimacy and trust." - The Art of Asking